Sunday, October 28, 2012


I read this on Reddit, and I think it is one of the best descriptions of a persons right to their own body and their own choices I have ever come across. It is provided from theview of  a women, and the expectations some men have that women should service them rather completely missing that women are human beeings, just like men, and have absolute right to their own self. It is however appliable on all kinds of human interaction.

"I developed really early (starting at age six) so I had to deal with not only boys, but adult men, saying and doing things in my presence that were really inappropriate and scary. I've lived all over the US, in big cities and small backwoods towns, in nice neighborhoods and bad neighborhoods and in neighborhoods of all different cultures and I got this stuff pretty much everywhere.
Most men thought I should be flattered or grateful for their attention and a lot of them didn't understand why I wouldn't provide sexual favors for them even when I was very clear that I wasn't interested in them. They seem to think that I shouldn't have to trust them, be attracted to them or be in the mood for sex to have sex with them, that 'throwing them a bone' was on par with letting them borrow my stereo. Like, my body is just an object they need to borrow for a few minutes and I'm being really greedy and selfish to deny it to them because how is it hurting me to do them this quick favor when they need it so bad. 

And they were confused and offended if I asked them to stop hitting on me or 'complimenting' me because 'Aren't you flattered? Don't you dress nice so people will notice you and think you look good? Why would you dress nice/act nice if you didn't want the attention? So I explain it like this:
We all like to look at pretty things and most of us make an effort to make the world around us as pleasant as possible, not just for ourselves but for everyone. So for instance, I may plant roses in my flowerbeds for everyone (men, women, myself) to see and enjoy. You can walk by and notice them, you can appreciate them and find beauty in them. But that doesn't mean you are entitled to stop me outside my house every morning to tell me how much you love them in the hopes that I'll give them to you. It doesn't mean you're entitled to touch them or cut them and take them for yourself. It doesn't mean you're entitled to assume that because I was nice enough to grow flowers for the enjoyment of everyone that they belong to you. And it DEFINITELY doesn't mean that if I refuse to cut one off for you that you're entitled to just take one or tear the petals off in retaliation. And just because I enjoy my roses and making sure they're as healthy and lovely as possible doesn't mean that's ALL I can do or that's ALL I want to talk about. There's more to me than roses.

Do I want you take some sort of pleasure in seeing them? Sure, but that doesn't mean you get to abuse my kindness by telling me HOW to grow them, WHERE to grow them, WHAT KIND of roses to grow and WHO I can share them with. And if you ask for some flowers and I say no, I'm not a bitch, I'm not greedy and selfish, I'm not taunting you with my pretty flowers just so I can deny them to you. They are MY flowers, I put a LOT of work into keeping them healthy and safe and yes, pretty. If you're kind to me, genuinely kind, and you show a genuine interest in my roses and don't act like you're entitled to them I MIGHT share some flowers with you or even some seeds. But only I get to make that decision. What's that? I gave a flower to your buddy so I should give you one? Doesn't work that way. I can give my flowers to the whole neighborhood if I want, it's my call, that doesn't mean you get some too. I'm nice, I provide the flowers for everyone to enjoy and YOU should be grateful for that, but only I decide who gets more than that. So if you break the rules and act like an entitled jerk, don't be surprised when you get the thorns."

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